Ego Death???

Those who most represent dominant culture, often are those who have the resources to shout their ideas from rooftops (or podcasts) and create the narrative we hear most. One of these narratives is about the importance of ego death. There are, no doubt, amazing and wonderful experiences associated with shedding personal identity and surrendering to the life force around us. This is important work that, if we are to believe the stories, is being done by many in the psychedelic spheres. I've seen that there's a less talked about experience, had by folks not as associated with dominant culture, that looks a little different and I'd like to take a few moments to honor this alternative experience.

For many of us, having a personal identity was not encouraged. Think: "children should be seen and not heard". In these cases, often, the Ego (consciousness of our own identity) was about presenting as pleasing and deferential to those around us. We are barely conscious of an interior world, and are encouraged to experience ourselves as pawns and servicers to those around us. In these cases, ego death is tricky. We're telling people who've already been raised to not have a sense of self that they should let go of any sense of self and that if they do this they will find a blissful state. It's a Mind Fu%k

In cases such as these, Transformation seems less like death of the ego and more like a birth of the Self. The shedding of the ego can be a shedding of an identity of being good and pleasing to others or the shedding of an identity of being a mirror to others. For those of us not used to noticing a sense of self (outside of the way this self can serve the needs of others) it can feel like gaining an ego, not losing an ego and can feel wrong or bad or even evil.

Working with this experience can be about accepting our existence as separate from those around us, "I have the right to exist outside of you" or maybe even more important, the simple recognition "I exist". In these cases, instead of integrating the shedding of personal identity and connecting with all of life, It seems we're being asked to step into the fullness of the experience of being alive as a separate entity. Learning to hold the massive power of this experience can be challenging. It is the work of Individuation and for many of us, this appears to be the work we are being called to.